Last week I celebrated my (ugh) 31st birthday. Though, not QUITE as dramatic as my 30th, it was still blog-worthy. For starters, I was suppose to have a birthday date. I had met a guy previously, and although I really didn't know him he said to me one day "hey, I would love to be at your birthday party if you're ok with that." I responded, "first of all, kitten, me sitting alone at a bar drinking whiskey is not a birthday party count." He laughed, like a good boy, and said he would be there.
If you're a fan of irony you won't like this next part. If you're a fan of the predictability and the horridness of my love life, then I probably don't even need to tell you what happened next. But, in case you aren't that smart, he was a no-call no-show. Around 9:45 I finally lost hope that he wasn't going to come. I remember, I was pretty drunk by that time and could feel the little tears starting to come to my eyes and I quickly and forcibly pushed them back. My birthday may not be a festival of fun, but I sure as hell wasn't going to cry over one more loser.
A few friends stopped by to say hi. Granted, they were going there anyway so nobody really showed up to see me specifically. Truthfully, I couldn't care less. I'm over so-so friendships, flakiness, and just people in general. I am just as happy sitting by myself as I am in a group of people. It is not embarassing to me nor is it something I'm proud of. I am alone, and there isn't any change in sight. It's just easier to accept it.
What gets annoying is people, younger and older, constantly asking me "why are you sitting alone?" Why aren't you? I've gone beyond wanting to tell people the story of how I ended up in Memphis at the age of 29, and that question generally is followed by that story. I get annoyed by the pity in their eyes and their voices as my solitude. It is very hard to make friends after this age. People are set in their ways and have too many things going on in their own lives to have time to really get to know someone knew. It's just the way it is.
If you make the decision to move somewhere alone at my age there is one thing YOU MUST be comfortable with and that is being alone. You have to be prepared to not have closeness and companionship for a while when you first move. It is scary and sometimes depressing. But the allure of being a new person in town is quite exciting. Once that wears off though, that loneliness hits like a bad cold on a January day. If you are not comfortable being alone, then it's not for you.
Why are so many women my age terrified of being alone? I don't understand it. Trust me, life is about 50 times more difficult for daily tasks. Hell, I've needed to have oral surgery for months and haven't been able to do it because I don't know anyone who can drive me back after anesthesia. If your car breaks down, you have to be prepared to spend an entire day in a shop to get it fixed. I'm not saying it's not an awesome thing to have someone in your life. But 1: don't take it for granted, I get sick of listening to people complain. And 2: I believe you need to learn how to be alone at some point, because life has a funny way of making you learn things you don't want to.
I find it reassuring that I, as a 31 year old woman, know not only what if feels like to be alone, but how to make being alone my bitch. However, here's hoping my date actually shows up to my 32nd birthday.
Saturday, June 21, 2014
Monday, June 9, 2014
It's What's on the Outside that Matters
Yesterday, I came across a post in a Facebook group. It was posted by a girl who, although overweight to an extent, was actually very pretty. At least in my opinion. She stated that she had gone to a club with friend and was dancing and a man came up and started dancing with her. She was having fun until she realized that he and his friends were secretly making fun of her appearance, laughing and pointing. It had obviously hurt her feelings. Some ass-hat decided to post a comment saying something to the effect of "it's what's on the inside that counts and inside you're beautiful."
At first I thought "well, that's sweet." Then a second later I realized that no is is actually a horrible thing to say to someone. First of all, no, the inside very rarely counts for shit when you first meet an individual. What immediately attracts people is looks. You can be the most funny, intelligent, and amazing creature on the planet. It doesn't matter. You have to actually attract the person first. I'm sorry to ruin hopes that people in this world can see beyond that, but I am proof that they don't.
I didn't grow up very pretty. I was never asked on dates and my date to the prom is what I called a "pity-date." It wasn't until I became and adult, and lost over 70 pounds that I started to be considered pretty. I was suddenly being asked out by attractive men, and getting hit on at clubs all the time. It really confused me because I, like every other not-so-pretty girl, had been told that it was what is on the inside of your heart that really mattered. It is absolute horse shit. Looks count in every major aspect in life. Attractive people are considered for employment more often than those who may be more qualified.
What causes me to do face-palms the most isn't the fact that beauty is so regarded in this world. It's that we try to convince less attractive people that it isn't. I won't lie, when I was younger and naive I fell for that. Then, I grew up. I actually had a friend in high school who was the first to tell me the truth. I told her how ugly I felt and that I was just going to be alone because of it. She looked right at me and said, "someone will see past your looks to who you really are." At first, I was angry that basically she just agreed that I was ugly. Now that I'm older and wiser, I feel thankful that I had someone in my life who was honest.
I see pictures posted on social media of two individuals standing next to each other: one has some horrible genetic defect and the other is clearly a model. The caption underneath reads "like if you think both are just as beautiful." It absolutely disgusts me. You can't say one thing and do another.
My solution to this problem is simple: stop with the bullshit. It is condescending to someone who not only feels ugly, but has been told over and over again that they are to say such things. Be honest. If you were born less attractive than others you have to work twice as hard. Things will not come as easy to you, and you may not find prince charming. THAT hard work and determination despite a lack of blessings in the looks department is what is truly beautiful.
At first I thought "well, that's sweet." Then a second later I realized that no is is actually a horrible thing to say to someone. First of all, no, the inside very rarely counts for shit when you first meet an individual. What immediately attracts people is looks. You can be the most funny, intelligent, and amazing creature on the planet. It doesn't matter. You have to actually attract the person first. I'm sorry to ruin hopes that people in this world can see beyond that, but I am proof that they don't.
I didn't grow up very pretty. I was never asked on dates and my date to the prom is what I called a "pity-date." It wasn't until I became and adult, and lost over 70 pounds that I started to be considered pretty. I was suddenly being asked out by attractive men, and getting hit on at clubs all the time. It really confused me because I, like every other not-so-pretty girl, had been told that it was what is on the inside of your heart that really mattered. It is absolute horse shit. Looks count in every major aspect in life. Attractive people are considered for employment more often than those who may be more qualified.
What causes me to do face-palms the most isn't the fact that beauty is so regarded in this world. It's that we try to convince less attractive people that it isn't. I won't lie, when I was younger and naive I fell for that. Then, I grew up. I actually had a friend in high school who was the first to tell me the truth. I told her how ugly I felt and that I was just going to be alone because of it. She looked right at me and said, "someone will see past your looks to who you really are." At first, I was angry that basically she just agreed that I was ugly. Now that I'm older and wiser, I feel thankful that I had someone in my life who was honest.
I see pictures posted on social media of two individuals standing next to each other: one has some horrible genetic defect and the other is clearly a model. The caption underneath reads "like if you think both are just as beautiful." It absolutely disgusts me. You can't say one thing and do another.
My solution to this problem is simple: stop with the bullshit. It is condescending to someone who not only feels ugly, but has been told over and over again that they are to say such things. Be honest. If you were born less attractive than others you have to work twice as hard. Things will not come as easy to you, and you may not find prince charming. THAT hard work and determination despite a lack of blessings in the looks department is what is truly beautiful.
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